Colt and I have had Cash in our home for 2 weeks now. We thought we were adjusting just fine. I was getting up during the night to do feedings (Colt helping out where he could), taking turns changing diapers and hanging out, etc...but today we had a hard dose of reality. Colt went back to school yesterday and is gone every day now. I get to stay home but I realize how much I relied on the company of him and his assistance. Colt came home today exhausted, the lack of consistent sleep has caught up to him and I have been overwhelmed with being alone and having only Cash to watch over. I never thought not working would affect me the way it has. I guess since I have been working, having a job all of my life, being on maternity leave now is totally new and somewhat unnerving.
Aside from figuring out our daily schedules, I realize that there is still so much to learn. You just hope that you are doing the right things and pray that your child is happy. It is overwhelming and scary and confidence goes out the window. Then there is that moment when you look at your child and realize he is so amazing and then you think maybe it is all worth it.
Perhaps this is how parenting is. You think you have the hang of it and then BAM! your confidence is shaken to the core and you question everything...until you realize that you are maybe not as terrible as you think you are. I must say it is an adventure but one I am happy to be on.
That first semester after Brooke (our first) was born was the worst semester of my life. I was tired all the time and the classes I was taking were hard. I know exactly what you are feeling! I think I had my worst GPA since I was a freshman. But, then it all seemed to even out. It hasn't become easy.. or easier per se. It just becomes the norm and yes, as you become adroit to the specific needs of you child, they will change. Sleep patterns will just get to a point where you're used to them and then they'll change. Solids, bed size, potty training, school and grandchildren will all follow. Stay loose and keep you head on a swivel... whatever that means. ok, congrats and good luck.
ReplyDeleteAnd think about how all of this is preparing you and Colt for the eternities, to become Gods. I think that is what it takes to become like Him: giving all of yourself in marriage and raising children.
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